Just To Hear His Voice

It's 3:06 AM.

Woke up thinking about my dad. I didn't have a dream about him, so it took me a couple of minutes to realize why he was in my sub-conscious. He died exactly a month ago...almost to the hour. I know my internal alarm clock is off the charts, I don't even own a real alarm clock, but this is crazy.

The grieving process is very strange and a little unnerving. You can get through a week or so without melting down and you think to yourself, "Can I be done mourning him? It doesn't seem possible." Then from out of nowhere, a picture or a phrase will remind me of him... and the tears come quickly.

Last night I was fooling around on Pinterest, as I do every couple of nights. It is mindless fun, but I really enjoy the incredible photography, silly things people do and the food ideas. It's a nice wind down at the end of the day.  It's also another place I can post my blogs, so I do.

Yesterday, I came across the picture on this post. And it really hit me. Now a couple of weeks ago, a friend attended a family reunion where someone played a recording of her grandmother who had passed away years before. She wrote about it in her blog, saying she didn't even hear what her grandmother was saying, she was so mesmerized just by hearing her voice and thinking about her.

Over the last few months as my dad grew more ill, he talked less and less. The last two or three days, he didn't speak at all. Throughout my life when he would say something to me, the sentence would always begin "HeyKat"...one word. In fact, my mother does the same thing, only she makes it two words and her voice tends to get higher on the Kat. My dad would say it like it was the beginning of a secret he was about to tell me, As if he would give me an elbow in the ribs and say "psst, listen to this."

So when I saw the "pin" yesterday, with the phase about the phone call to heaven, I couldn't help but think that if I was lucky enough to get him on the line, the first thing I would hear would be "HeyKat."

One word.
Miss you so much Pops.

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To Pin Or Not To Pin

So have you heard of Pinterest? Most women have, men...not so much. If you haven't, this is it in a nutshell. It is another internet vacuum which sucks you in and just like twitter, refuses to let you see the light of day...ever again.

But, it has some really cool pictures. And recipes, and ideas. The aim is to create theme boards and either upload pictures (pins), search the internet for pictures or search Pinterest itself for pictures. You then can like someone else's pin (sort of like coveting your neighbors whatever) or you can take that pin and pin it onto your own theme board. And just like every other social networking thing...you follow either people or their specific boards.

Basically, it's like creating photo albums of everything you wish you owned, places you could go, things to eat, crafts to make, lessons to learn...basically anything which makes you happy.  And just like some of those insanely delicious looking desserts...Pinterest is highly addictive.  Got a lull in your day, just go check out some new pins. It is fun, I'll grant you that. And some of the photography is absolutely breathtaking.

Now, from what I've seen in the month or so I have been "pinning," some people have way too much freakin' time on their hands. Some of the crafts for example, are so tedious...I would sooner pull out my fingernails than get involved with these projects. And the recipes...very big on variations of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and desserts using one of God's most perfect foods...Oreo's.

Now I quite enjoy this little adventure. It's like being back in grammar school and making collages. I was really good at that. Not really having any artistic ability, I did have an eye, so putting together a mosaic was something that was doable.

So now I find at the end of the day when I should do at least one more constructive thing, I sit with my laptop scanning through hundreds and hundreds of photographs for no other purpose than to build my own little fantasy land.

And you know what...that's fine by me.

OMG look at those shoes...repin.

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