My Dad's Journey: Six Weeks In

It seems, the while the bubble has not yet burst, it has developed a slow leak.

The past two weeks have been fair to good in my father's world. His therapy has been going well, his appetite has been enhanced through pharmacology and his motor skills had been improving. Until tonight.

My mother visited in the afternoon and things were good. By the time I arrived to spend dinnertime with him, things had gone decidedly downhill. Asleep when I arrived, he awoke with impaired speech and very little energy. After his vitals were taken the reason for his condition became clearer. His blood pressure had dropped to 91/55.  For a man who has battled hypertension the last 25 years, this change is extremely alarming.

Getting him to eat dinner was not as hard as I thought it would be, but it amazes me how his taste preferences have changed since he became a nursing home resident. Water, for example, was always drunk at room temperature. Once he became a patient, water needed to be cold...now cold drinks are on the shit list again.  Ice cream however, remains a perennial favorite. We try to bring him foods we think he would enjoy, to supplement the one-step-above-crap food he is served daily. At this point anything he eats is ok with us. He once weighed around 175, yesterday his weight was 108.  A UTI and thrush are the latest assaults on his tired body. Everyday, it seems there is another danger lurking.

While I haven't had another exceptional visit like the one I had when he was in the hospital, (Enjoying The Evening Light With My Dad) before being transferred to the nursing home, there have been many good visits. There have also been some very bad ones. Tonight was somewhere in the middle.

It was a rainy day today, kinda the way I felt inside.

Love you Pops.

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Dad's Journey: Another Day, Another Issue

Leaving the nursing home last night, I cried for the first time as I drove home. It was not a good visit with my Dad.

What awaits us today is anybody's guess.  I believe he is in his third week at this facility, exactly how long I can't remember. Along with my father's deterioration, my mind has also declined. Focus is increasingly difficult and forgetfulness is a new best friend. They hang out with my other two new acquaintances: exhaustion and irritability.

With each day, Dad is more depressed. With each day, he withers away a little more. With each day, I see him losing the fight. It now seems everyday there is a new condition to deal with.  A blood clot, a urinary tract infection, erratic bodily functions, wild swings of blood pressure...and of course the disease.

Last night he seemed like a stoke victim, could not stay awake and could barely speak. Whether it was a physical problem or something caused by new meds, must be determined. Living a long time does not make dying any easier.

As I sat with him, I could remember it wasn't so long ago when this wonderful man who can no longer understand the up or down position on the bed remote, could move with the agility of a man twenty years younger. Now, all I think about is how many more days, weeks or months he must endure this existence.

Today will be the first day I dread going to see him.

Love you Pops.

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Random Thoughts from A Scattered Brain

There's a lot of shit going on in my life at the moment. Some of it good, some...not so much. Over the past several weeks, it has been hard to focus on many things...especially a single subject to write about.

So, today...gonna do something a little different.


Random Thoughts. There are a bunch of things bouncing around my brain (apparently there is a lot of empty space for this to occur) and I think a sentence or two might be an easier way for me to go today.

Hang on, it might be a bumpy ride.

Things I have noticed at my Dad's nursing home:

1. The heavy duty plastic dinnerware cups are opaque. They sometimes pour coffee into them and give you a teabag along with it...so you think it is hot water. Have you ever tasted a mixture of coffee and tea? It is vile. 
2. They will give you small cups of whipped fake butter but no bread or anything else you would want to use it with. They also give you coffee or tea, with no milk or sugar.
3. No matter how wonderful the staff is, or how great the care is...it sucks that someone you love needs to be there.

Bamboozle I am going to miss Bamboozle this weekend.  Having a vested interest in one of the bands playing "Something About January," I can't even begin to tell you how pissed I am about that. Such is life, sometimes things just don't work out.  I fully expect SAJ to kick ass on Saturday night. To the drum-mamma and the rest of the bands' mamma's...no retreat, no surrender. Show them what jersey girls are all about.

The New York Rangers: Seriously, I can't take another run for the Cup like 1994. I was soooo much younger then. I can no longer deal with each series going seven games, overtimes, icings and piss-poor play. Suck it up and crush the damn Devils.

The New Car. Except for the lack of a sunroof, I could not be happier. Driving it, there are times when I just want to keep going. If there isn't another blog post soon...maybe that's just what happened.  

Road trip anyone?

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My Dad's Journey: A New Home

The next step of my dad's journey is complete. He has been moved from the hospital to a rehab center/nursing home. He now resides in the sub-acute section of the facility. It's a nice enough place, and after the second day, we are more than satisfied with the care he is receiving.

The transfer went smooth. We were told what time he would leave the hospital, so my mother and I went to the rehab center to meet him there. After the endless paperwork and questions we were not nearly prepared for, we sat in his room for him to arrive.  When he did a few minutes later, he was nervous, scared and uncomfortable. The first few hours we were there, his mood did not change. We hoped, as we promised him tomorrow would be better...that it was going to be true.

Lucky for all of us...it was. He seemed to like his nurse, and though he said he was not hungry...he asked me when they were bringing dinner.  For the first time since he was hospitalized, I watched as he fed himself. Very slowly and awkwardly...but he did it.

My mother had been there earlier in the day, followed by my brother & sister-in-law. Then the light of his life, his granddaughter and her husband arrived from out of town. To remind him of my parents'  several visits to Hawaii, they brought him a little hula dancer...a plastic toy that shakes her hips.

At first I was unsure of who brought him the toy. When he clarified that it was indeed my beautiful niece, I asked, "oh MC was here?"  "Yes," he said as the most beautiful smile came across his face. He was there in the moment, his mind clear and his vocal skills as good as they had been in months.

As an added treat, we were able to secure a little ice cream...one of his favorite things. He was tired, so I fed it to him and watched him savor each mouthful.

As we left, I felt better about not seeing him for the weekend. We leave him in the hands of the nursing staff and the rest of my family until Monday evening.

When the illness of a family member occurs so quickly, there are so many decisions to be made..and they need to be made quickly. Hopefully we have made the right ones. Comfort, security and good care are really all you hope for.

And a little ice cream at the end of the day.
Love you Pops.
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