They Put what Up Where? It's Back for 2014

I apologize.
Here we are going into the last week in January and I have yet to post the annual list of things that have become stuck in people's orifices. Or as I like to call it... They stuck what up where?

Yes indeed, the good people at Deadspin have combed the data banks of hospital emergency rooms, so that we may shudder, wince and say "what in the serious fuck were these people thinking?"

So in the immortal words of Flick, let's see what's "stuck, Stuck, STUCK!"

Starting with the Ear:

• a walkie-talkie antenna...hello, hello, anybody home?
• glow stick... I expect if you look in the other ear you would see the light, because it's obvious there's no brain matter inside of that head
• a tampon...I would think the label gives directions for use, perhaps not.

Nose:

• miniature hockey puck... at least they didn't try a full sized one
• 10 sided dice... when a six sided die just isn't enough
• a lithium tablet... clearly this person has other issues
• "used a metal coat hanger to swat a bee off of his neck and coat hanger went up his nose"...this is where I started to get confused

Penis:

• "plastic spoon and perhaps a pencil"...perhaps?
• "stuck a nail in urethra and it migrated up into the bladder"... eew, and painful

 Vagina:

• knitting needles...I can't even
• bag of crystal meth... I think we can imagine the circumstances for this
• bathtub stopper... rub-a-dub-dub
• 10" steak knife... who the hell would do this?
• billiard ball... was it the 8 ball?
• "put a bag of money in the vagina to hide it from her husband"... guess that was someplace he didn't have access to

And last but not least, the Rectum:

• air freshener...someone didn't read the label
• tent stakes... hope it was just for a pup tent
• phone cord...cell phone reception must have been spotty
• ice pick...what's the attraction to sharp, pointy objects?
• rolled up stack of plastic trash bags... no comment
• keys... so you never lose them

People, y'all are messed up. Just stop. Oh and for you guys who "accidentally" fall on a toothbrush holder or can of spray paint or a turkey baster... ain't no one buying that shit.

As usual this was... interesting. And we get to do it again next year.

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