Sunday, February 24, 2013

Excuse Me, Can You Just Shut Up?

I haven't vented in a while, or maybe I have...whatever. But today is a good day to do it.

Went to a show last night. It was the great Sophie B. Hawkins, channeling her best Janis Joplin in a revue which sees Janis' spirit come back and remember the events in her life and how everything had an effect on her. A review will come by the end of the week, but today I need to talk about what happened in the theater.

Show just starts, four women come in and sit in the two rows in front of me, two and two. They are still buzzing from coming indoors, fine. I give them a little time to get adjusted and settle in. Twenty minutes later they are still yakking with each other. Virtually non-stop. Now I'm getting pissed. So what would you do?

Well, as most of you who actually know me can testify (can I get a witness?) that shit doesn't fly with me. Enough. It wasn't like it was a concert and they were talking throughout the songs.This was basically a one woman show, a couple of characters had a few lines, and there is a lot of dialogue. Shut the fuck up.

It's time to go Jersey on them. I lean forward between the two heads in front of me and say "You know, you are being very rude." For me, that's about as polite as I get in dealing with something like this. The woman turns to me, a bit startled and said "Oh, am I being rude?"  I say "Yes." She then gets up and says "Well, I'll just move." 

Fine, I don't have a problem with that, go. Then she says to me "She's a dead woman." meaning Janis. huh. Yeah, I know, I was alive when she died you stupid bitch. But I kept my calm and just asked her "Why are you even here?" She then asked me "Why are you here?" So I said "To see the show."

At this point she gave me a look, picked up her stuff and along with the woman next to her, moved to a seat farther away from the stage. Within minutes the other two women who were sitting two rows down, left as well. And the rest of the performance was not only quiet but without a head in front of me.

Epic freakin' win.

I make no apologies for my behavior. What gives you the right to spoil the night for other people, and it wasn't only me. The couple next to us was also making gestures towards the women like, why can't they shut up. I however, have no problem saying something.

It's a matter of respect and we were not getting it. If you are bored or would rather be somewhere else, go. It's not fair to everyone around you. Otherwise you just might have someone sitting behind you who is just ready to get up in your face about it.

Then we can all enjoy the show.

Do I hear applause?


Saturday, February 16, 2013

North Carolina's Important State Breast-a-Stature

I just came across this story and if had been the night before I was scheduled to post on sprocketink, I would have posted it there. But this is just too damn tasty to postpone.

We all know that Congress has so much work to do. They have saved us temporarily from the "fiscal cliff" and have to work on healthcare issues, immigration laws, and gay marriage. So many important issues to legislate. You would think that even on the state level there are issues so important that they demand immediate attention. So what pieces of critical legislation are the state representatives of North Carolina introducing? We've all heard the drunken battle cry "show us your tits." Well, if this bill not anymore, unless you want to spend up to six months in jail. Six months for a wardrobe malfunction.

Yes, yes, Rep. Rayne Brown (R) has co-sponsored House Bill 34, which would make it a Class H felony to expose "external organs of sex and of excretion, including the nipple, or any portion of the areola, of the human female breast." CLASS H FELONY. Apparently Rep. Brown was not happy when they decided in Asheville to hold their second annual topless rally for women's equal rights. Last year's event drew about a dozen women. Twelve women, twenty-four breasts, well hell yeah, let's stop that shit right now.

Ok, so the felony count is if someone over 18 shows a little too much to someone under 16 for the purpose of getting the 16 year old a little, shall we say happy. But really, do we need another piece of legislation making it easy to lock you up for something just popping out?

It may be time to organize another rally. Better do it soon before they "nip" it in the bud.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

A Birthday Memory

Today would have been my father's birthday.

Thursday, it will be six months since we lost him. It seems like he's been gone forever. This past weekend we had a major snowstorm in the Northeast. Blame it on my dad; apparently he still has the power to conjure up a winter storm. It was a running joke within the family that whatever weekend in February we planned to get together to celebrate his birthday, you could count on either a snow storm or ice storm to interfere.

Except last year.

While we would usually get together at my brother and sister-in-laws house for the party, last year we went out for Chinese. Not your local dive, but an upscale restaurant where certain dishes are insanely great and everything is overpriced. A family favorite, though one we don't normally go to as a family. My brother would go there most often, in fact a waiter once thanked him for dining there often enough that he was able to send his son to college. Nice.

Anyway, we all went out for the birthday party last year and if Mother Nature knew it would be his last, she behaved herself. I remember looking at him and thinking this might be his last birthday with us. While he wasn't sick at the time, 87 was a big number and he grew weaker almost in front of your eyes. He had the best time. Sitting between my mother and brother, he tasted everything. He had Peking Duck for the first time and loved it. The wine flowed and the staff brought out their version of an ice cream cake...for my father, it was the gift that kept on giving.

Whether he also felt it would be his last birthday with us, I can't be sure. His eyes filled with tears as he looked over his beloved family with pride, and it did seem like he was taking in the significance of the moment. But then, he always looked at us with pride. While he wasn't the world's most successful man or the most popular, he had a family who adored him.

We still do. Miss you Pops.

Happy Birthday.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Pretty, Yes... But It's sNOw Fun


Oh it's so beautiful. Yeah it is unless you need to shovel it. Unless you need to dig out your car from almost two feet of it and unless you need to travel in it. sucks.

It snowed all night and yes it did look beautiful as I got ready to walk the dog. Oh yeah, that's another time when snow isn't so beautiful. That morning walk before anyone has shoveled their sidewalks and you have to walk in the street. Only the dog doesn't like to walk in the street and it's tug-of-war time.

There are still strong winds and the sun has yet to make an appearance. Usually the time when people are digging out is one of great camaraderie. A few inches of snow, everyone smiles at each other and discusses the clean-up process. Not so today. The gray morning and the mammoth undertaking that awaited did not exactly put a smile on anyone's face.

The sidewalk and stairs are done, soon it will be time to find the car under the mountain of snow in the driveway. Once that's done, people who live in the snow zone know that's about the time when you start to get antsy. We've been in the house since yesterday, the roads are cleared, the car is cleaned off...where can we go?

It's also about that time, when the dog starts to follow me around the house and I know where I'll be going next. Apparently, she gets a little stir crazy too.

Boots on.


Friday, February 8, 2013

The Blizzard of 2013: Weather We Want It Or Not

Cell phone is charging, beer is in the fridge. I think I've done all I can in anticipation of the "Blizzard of '13."

I'm sorry but is someone in charge not paying attention. This is the Northeast. We have already had one natural disaster for the year in the form of Hurricane Sandy. We are now in waiting mode for the biggest Nor'easter of the century...or so they say. Three days ago we were predicted to get a few inches.

Enough with the drama. People have plans, we don't need this shit

Yesterday afternoon the ace weatherpeople said the snow/ice mix would begin very early in the AM. So I battled the zoo at Shop Rite last night instead of dealing with the lunatics AND the weather in the morning. Guess what, so far...nothing.

Oh, it's coming, I don't think they're wrong about that, but now it seems the timing will eat into a lot more of the weekend than we first thought. So, we sit and wait and look out the window for the signs that the most recent Snowmaggedon has arrived.

Now, let us pray to the technology gods that we don't lost power or internet.

Happy shoveling.