A Few Toasts, A Few Tears

"Been talkin' 'bout the way things change

And my family lives in a different state

If you don't know what to make of this

Then we will not relate."

..."Rivers and Roads" by The Head and the Heart

Cosmic change can be felt in a profound manner or in a very simple one. An example being when heartbreak and happiness collide and the result is a salty drop of water falling down your cheek.

Though there's a lot more happiness than sadness as part of the family moves to be closer to their integral family, there is also the realization a twenty minute car ride won't put me at their front door ever again. 

And so it goes.

Last night a going away dinner of sorts was attended by most of the immediate family. As per family rules, it was loud, dripping with sarcasm and included copious amounts of food and wine.What it didn't include was a selfie to preserve the moment. That will be in our hearts and memories. It was close to the perfect sendoff. The invisible empty chair where my Dad would have presided with pride over his family, was still a presence in our hearts. Next month will be five years he's gone and I must admit he's been giving me more than a few pokes in the ribs lately.

So now a new chapter begins. I now have a new excuse for a road trip. And more of an appreciation for the 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' adage. 

Nothing stays the same, so embrace the new norm and enter a new address in the GPS.

Still gonna miss you all. xxxxo

Dad's story is here

Mom's story is here

Wine, Women and More Wine

There are times when I look at my family as an outsider would see them and I think... this is not your normal tribe.

For instance, last night my side of the family went out for a Mother's Day dinner. Today is too tough to get together as the beautiful niece & her husband (who, and I applaud him for it, never seemed to think our family was unusual) need to travel back up Rt 95 north for a while, and we ride into NYC to visit the other side of the family. So last night was the big event.

Arriving at the restaurant from several different directions, we grabbed our table and because it was a BYOB, set out the beverages for the festivities. I looked at the bottles, looked at the family, and counted. Besides a small cooler with eight beers, there were nine bottles of wine. For nine people, and one of us doesn't drink. Interesting.

Now as far as I know, none of us is a fall down drunk. We are just a family who enjoys a little wine. Ok a lot of wine. And good wine. And it was good. And damn, if over a five course meal those bottles didn't start to disappear. Like good soldiers, they went down in the line of duty.

So we toasted the day, we talked, we drank, we ate, we opened bottle after bottle. At the end of the meal, two bottles of wine and four bottles of beer remained. Excessive? Nah, it was just right. Everyone was sober, stuffed and smiling. When it comes down to it, the wine was just a little lubricant for our dry throats caused by talking and laughing so much.

Our 3 generations of lovely ladies

It was an evening to celebrate my mom, it was a night for all of us to be together and it was, as it is always with my family... fun. Because when all is said and done, my family loves each other, and though we've lost some important members along the way, there is still a joy in being together.

Everyone should be this lucky.

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A Birthday Memory

Today would have been my father's birthday.

Thursday, it will be six months since we lost him. It seems like he's been gone forever. This past weekend we had a major snowstorm in the Northeast. Blame it on my dad; apparently he still has the power to conjure up a winter storm. It was a running joke within the family that whatever weekend in February we planned to get together to celebrate his birthday, you could count on either a snow storm or ice storm to interfere.

Except last year.

While we would usually get together at my brother and sister-in-laws house for the party, last year we went out for Chinese. Not your local dive, but an upscale restaurant where certain dishes are insanely great and everything is overpriced. A family favorite, though one we don't normally go to as a family. My brother would go there most often, in fact a waiter once thanked him for dining there often enough that he was able to send his son to college. Nice.

Anyway, we all went out for the birthday party last year and if Mother Nature knew it would be his last, she behaved herself. I remember looking at him and thinking this might be his last birthday with us. While he wasn't sick at the time, 87 was a big number and he grew weaker almost in front of your eyes. He had the best time. Sitting between my mother and brother, he tasted everything. He had Peking Duck for the first time and loved it. The wine flowed and the staff brought out their version of an ice cream cake...for my father, it was the gift that kept on giving.

Whether he also felt it would be his last birthday with us, I can't be sure. His eyes filled with tears as he looked over his beloved family with pride, and it did seem like he was taking in the significance of the moment. But then, he always looked at us with pride. While he wasn't the world's most successful man or the most popular, he had a family who adored him.

We still do. Miss you Pops.

Happy Birthday.

End of the Year Bitchin'

It's the end of the year.

Apparently it is not the end of the world, although with the news this morning that Kanye West and some woman named Kim having a baby, it might still be a possibility. Which brings me to my first thing to bitch about for the end of the year.

Celebrities. Or more accurately...people with no talent who for reasons I cannot fathom, are famous. Most of them are barely literate, ridiculously artificially enhanced and so damn annoying. People, people... come to your senses. Get a life, make a life for yourself. If we all ignore them they will go away... think "Jon & Kate Plus 8."

Politics: Where do we start? After over two years of campaigning, while the country went down the shitter, the election is finally over. The first thing Congress needs to deal with..the Fiscal Cliff. And what are they doing...posturing. Do some damn work, get it done and stop trying to save face in front of the American people. Trust me, it's too late for that.

Violence: Nothing throughout this year can compare with the tragedy at Newtown. We can only hope some progress is finally made in the name of mental health and controlling instruments of mass and easy killing.

Music: For the first time in a bunch of years, there's hope. Ok, so not yet on commercial radio, but there are some real good new bands out there. The grumbling from the past several years is actually starting to create a few changes with radio programming. Now if we can just get rid of the faux celebrity singers from the reality shows, and get some air time for the bands that have worked their asses off for years...then we might just see major improvement. Until then, I will keep the Music blog going and try to showcase as much good stuff as I can find.

Family: Even if they aren't related, family is all that matters at the end of the day, the year or your life. Never take them for granted, never miss a chance to show how you feel, and remember all the little things that make them the best part of your life.

A New Year is ahead, a clean slate. Try not to screw it up.

Happy New Year.

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Thanksgiving Preparation: Make a List...or Not

Do you guys realize this Thursday is Thanksgiving?  oops, my bad. oh yeah and I'm cooking too. shit.

It would seem that I am not quite as prepared for this holiday as one might hope. While I may not be in the state of readiness I would like, I've done it enough times to think it will come out ok. After all, it's just family, they are well aware I am not perfect and are only to happy to point it out.

I have the bird, some sides, a little of this and one or two of that...just not the whole package. And I haven't made a list. And my brain is another year older and a lot more airy than it was a year ago, when I did have a list.

Blame it on the hurricane.

Normally we have Thanksgiving in the Poconos. Whoever shows, shows. They stay overnight, a couple of days or the whole weekend. A lot of work, but fun. This year the hurricane meant we lost power up there, so we missed a weekend, plus we knew we weren't going up this past weekend. Which meant we lost a lot of prep time to get the house ready for the influx. Instead of stressing and trying to get everything done in too short a time period, we punted. Decided to have the dinner in Jersey instead. Cook at our house, eat next door at my Mom's. No overnight guests. No thirty-five loads of laundry. No cleaning before and after. Just cooking.

Piece of cake.

I think I remembered to bring home from the Poconos the essentials: mega roasting pan, cheesecloth, assorted spices and items I only use on Thanksgiving. I'll find out sometime between Wednesday night and Thursday afternoon whether in fact, I did. Tomorrow, I'll be at the specialty market first thing in the morning to pick up the ground sausage meat with sage, which makes the stuffing so damn good, and all the vegetables I need. Having a list would be a good idea, but for some reason, I just haven't been able to write one.

This is not the best way to get ready for a holiday dinner, of that I am fully aware. But this year...it is what it is. We will cook, we will serve, we will eat. And with this year there being so many who have so little, we will be thankful.

And stuffed. Can't wait.
Wish I made a list.

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A Night of Music, Balls and Reflection

Saturday night, we took a drive into Manhattan to hear a singer I had interviewed perform at a small club downtown. The plan was to grab a bite to eat at The Meatball Shop and head over to the venue, which conveniently was only a couple of blocks away. The Meatball Shop has been in the news and all over the social media sites lately, because of the tireless work they have been doing for victims of Hurricane Sandy.

As soon as the need was uncovered, the restaurant set up a daily run to the Rockaways in Queens, to provide hot meals. They also began to collect blankets at their three restaurants. In return for a blanket to keep someone warm, the restaurant would give you an order of four meatballs. Let's just say, they've collected a lot of blankets. As I wanted to try out the restaurant, what better time would there be?

I packed up a handmade afghan my mother had crocheted and we left Jersey to begin the evening. Well, sometimes plans don't always work the way you hoped. Traffic. Not getting into the city, but the drive cross and down town took way longer than it should. Finding a parking spot only a block away from the club was sweet, but it was a little too late to grab some eats.

Outside the venue, I ran into Antje the singer, and we walked into the club together. The show was wonderful, a thoroughly enjoyable performance. At the end of the show, we had a conversation with a man who was there to see another act. He told of his experience with the storm. His beach house was gone, washed away. As we offered solace, he shrugged and said "It was a beach house, others lost their real homes. I have nothing to complain about." He also told us in the past week, he had been hit by a car while riding his bike. Not a good few weeks in his life, that's for sure. But he was resigned to what had happened, and had begun to move on.

While some of the affected areas are making strides, we can't forget even more of the coastal towns are still devastated, and will be for a very long time. What amazes me, is the resilience and acceptance of those living under conditions they could not have imagined a month ago.

Just something to think about as we sit down this Thursday for a feast, surrounded by family and friends.

By the way, we did get to the Meatball Shop after the show. One donated blanket, four delicious meatballs.

I hope the blanket keeps someone warm this Thanksgiving.

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Taking Time To Give Thanks

During the course of a lifetime, there are so many things we take for granted. Family, health and time...being the top three. Last night I was able to remind myself that none of the three is a given.

Spent the evening with some old friends who had moved quite a distance away some years ago...mainly I believe for a better climate for one of them.  As it turns out, that was a great decision. Physically, she is in so much better condition than the last time I saw her, it is astounding. Better lifestyle and better living through pharmacology.

On the other hand, her husband developed a life-threatening and life-changing illness. The road has been long and difficult, but hopefully the worst is behind him. In any case, this previously imposing figure is now a shadow of what he was. But he is the same wonderful man with a dry sense of humor, and a man who always brings a smile to my face.

As we sat around my brother's dining room table eating Chinese takeout, the talk never really addressed the illness that is the 800 lb. gorilla in the room. We didn't need to. We all know what he had gone through, what lies ahead and what we don't know might lie ahead.

No, last night was just a chance to see the faces that, just like ours, have changed so much over the years. A time to drink a glass a wine and to share a meal. A simple night, with simple conversation. A time to catch up and enjoy the trash talk and humor which defines our "family."

A time to remember that family, health and time are not to be taken for granted. They are to be taken as gifts meant to be appreciated daily.

This is my way of giving thanks.

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