Miley, You've Got Some 'Splaining To Do

I am aware that I am not in the demographic to enjoy or even understand what the hell the VMAs are all about. Let's face it, I haven't been in the demographic for MTV in 25 years. But I try, really I do.

Credit: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Last year I tolerated about 18 minutes, this year I managed 40 before Kanye convinced me that local news of murder and mayhem was less agitating than he was. I don't know what happened later with JT and the Boys, whether Katy roared that godawful song or who won the awards. I think after watching Miley (what the hell were you thinking) Cyrus, I was numb.

Artistic freedom you say? I say, sure, but use it wisely. Be sexy and raw, don't make people cringe in their seats. Look at the audience. They were either bored or unable to watch. Did you see Rihanna's face? You may have jumped the shark when the barometer of bad taste is disgusted.

So let's just try to figure it out. First the tongue. I am baffled trying to grasp what image she was trying to project. Sexy? Not even close. The furries aspect was more than a little disturbing and then there was the foam finger. When she ended up with it in her mouth, after seeing where it had been, I was thinking some penicillin might be a good idea.

The one good thing about the broadcast was I learned a new word. Twerking. As the tweets were coming across fast and furious last night, I kept seeing the word twerk. It seems they call it a dance move, to me it more closely resembles simulated sex. Anyway, Miley got in an assload of twerking, that's for sure.

It was horrifying to think of the parents sitting on the living room sofa with their kids watching this abomination. Watching porn on a first date in a roomful of strangers would be less uncomfortable than Miley and her fickle finger of self-fornication.

Sexually overt notwithstanding, the entire number was just bad. She looked terrible, her movements defied explanation and she turned off nearly everyone who watched her.

They say there's no such thing as bad publicity. In this case, I'm not so sure.

Time to rethink your career choices Miley.

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