Dad's Journey: Another Day, Another Issue

Leaving the nursing home last night, I cried for the first time as I drove home. It was not a good visit with my Dad.

What awaits us today is anybody's guess.  I believe he is in his third week at this facility, exactly how long I can't remember. Along with my father's deterioration, my mind has also declined. Focus is increasingly difficult and forgetfulness is a new best friend. They hang out with my other two new acquaintances: exhaustion and irritability.

With each day, Dad is more depressed. With each day, he withers away a little more. With each day, I see him losing the fight. It now seems everyday there is a new condition to deal with.  A blood clot, a urinary tract infection, erratic bodily functions, wild swings of blood pressure...and of course the disease.

Last night he seemed like a stoke victim, could not stay awake and could barely speak. Whether it was a physical problem or something caused by new meds, must be determined. Living a long time does not make dying any easier.

As I sat with him, I could remember it wasn't so long ago when this wonderful man who can no longer understand the up or down position on the bed remote, could move with the agility of a man twenty years younger. Now, all I think about is how many more days, weeks or months he must endure this existence.

Today will be the first day I dread going to see him.

Love you Pops.

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