Just To Hear His Voice

It's 3:06 AM.

Woke up thinking about my dad. I didn't have a dream about him, so it took me a couple of minutes to realize why he was in my sub-conscious. He died exactly a month ago...almost to the hour. I know my internal alarm clock is off the charts, I don't even own a real alarm clock, but this is crazy.

The grieving process is very strange and a little unnerving. You can get through a week or so without melting down and you think to yourself, "Can I be done mourning him? It doesn't seem possible." Then from out of nowhere, a picture or a phrase will remind me of him... and the tears come quickly.

Last night I was fooling around on Pinterest, as I do every couple of nights. It is mindless fun, but I really enjoy the incredible photography, silly things people do and the food ideas. It's a nice wind down at the end of the day.  It's also another place I can post my blogs, so I do.

Yesterday, I came across the picture on this post. And it really hit me. Now a couple of weeks ago, a friend attended a family reunion where someone played a recording of her grandmother who had passed away years before. She wrote about it in her blog, saying she didn't even hear what her grandmother was saying, she was so mesmerized just by hearing her voice and thinking about her.

Over the last few months as my dad grew more ill, he talked less and less. The last two or three days, he didn't speak at all. Throughout my life when he would say something to me, the sentence would always begin "HeyKat"...one word. In fact, my mother does the same thing, only she makes it two words and her voice tends to get higher on the Kat. My dad would say it like it was the beginning of a secret he was about to tell me, As if he would give me an elbow in the ribs and say "psst, listen to this."

So when I saw the "pin" yesterday, with the phase about the phone call to heaven, I couldn't help but think that if I was lucky enough to get him on the line, the first thing I would hear would be "HeyKat."

One word.
Miss you so much Pops.

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