Thursday, September 13, 2012

We Are Not Talking Spiderman Here

So what are the odds that I would be having a conversation with two different friends on the same day, about a specific subject? Well if the subject was the weather, music, food or booze, the odds would be pretty good. But this subject is not one I speak about on a normal basis, never mind twice in a day. And the funny part is, I did not initiate either conversation about said topic.

The subject: Spiders.

As in, what the fuck is going on with all these big as a house, hairy, ugly-ass spiders. Now I have been going crazy with these bastards in both the Jersey house and the one in the Poconos. Now up in the mountains, we are surrounded by woods, so you kind of get used to bugs...especially big ones (and yes I know a spider is not a bug...sue me). Every species seems to be  larger there. The ants, flies, spiders and the moths. The moths look like something out of a fifties Japanese monster movie. But you get used to it, the price you pay for being surrounded by nature.

But this year in Jersey, these spiders, which I believe are Wolf Spiders, are slowly engulfing my house and yard in their annoying-as-hell webs. Now, the other morning the Drum Mamma tells me how she pulled apart her mother's bedroom, after it appeared her mom had been bitten by a spider. After every possible inch of the bedroom had been washed, wiped and vacu-sucked... the jury is still out as to whether the spider watched the hoopla from a distance and crept back in after the excitement was over.

Later that day, Ms. E called to tell me I need to do some research into this spider problem that she is having outside her home. Her train of thought was that since I like to do research, it would be a good idea for a blog. Well yeah, I am writing a blog about it, but who in their right mind likes to do research? I like to write, yes. Research, not so much. This is why I write a blog... I can make up shit. But I digress.

It seems these spiders are everywhere. A google search turns up a lot of posts from other states as well, all written by crazed women wondering why there are so many spiders and where are the menfolk whose job it is to destroy them.

Does this have something to do with global warming? Or is a lead-up to the prophecy of the Mayans? I swear one morning I won't be able to open my back door because the web will be covering the house.

I think I may need a flamethrower.
Help me....



  1. The Hoover is out and ready to suck up thoes little bastards !!!

  2. A friend here in St. Louis apparently gets wolf spiders in near infestation levels every year at this time. WTF is up with that? I would run screaming from the house and never return. How can you deal every YEAR? Ugh. Good luck with that, but srsly, NO MORE spider pics okay?

  3. Why can't they be more like Charlotte? Then I wouldn't mind.